What makes you so damn special?
A few years back, while reading Dr. Terry Lyle’s The Secret to Navigating Life’s Storms, I was introduced to his take on the acronym “VCR.” I was all too familiar with this acronym from my early adolescent years, but he wasn’t talking about the videocassette recorder. He pointed out that one’s Values develop one’s Character and together, result in one’s Reputation. His argument was that now a days, it’s commonplace for people try to live this in reverse. They find a reputation they desire to have and attempt to mold their character and live their values to match. This simply does not work. It led me to think about how many times I’ve witnessed people setting their life goals to match something that isn’t their own. More times than I can count, I’ve had someone share with me a goal of theirs and when I simply asked why they chose that goal, they didn’t have an answer. What I have discovered over time is that when we set goals that are not aligned with our values, that don’t let us live to our meaning and purpose…we often don’t achieve them. And worse, if we do, we don’t feel as satisfied or happy with our accomplishments.
It might make you wonder,why would someone pursue a goal that isn’t theirs? I’ve found that when we set goals that aren’taligned with our values, it isn’t as readily apparent as most would think. Society regularly tells us what we should do—our friends, social media, andeven our loved ones. We enroll in academicprograms because it seems to “make sense” with our current occupation. We choose to pursue a career in accountingbecause it’s the “family business.” Wepursue careers because of the salary versus truly loving what we are spendingtwo to three thousand hours a year doing. We end up just showing up and participating in life…just survivingversus thriving.
Each of us has somethingwe bring to life…something we were meantto do. It’s something unique to us andaligns with who we are. When we findout what that something is, magic happens. We become energized, happy, and feel a sense of fulfillment when weachieve goals that align with who we are and what we value. People frequently ask me how I am able tojuggle so many things at once. I’ve foundbalancing my normal duties with speaking engagements, offering professional andpersonal development courses, being an adjunct professor, and co-managing thissite is not hard on me whatsoever because it doesn’t feel like work. I feel blessed to do it because I get to livemy meaning and purpose each and every day! Now don’t get me wrong, I understand some people just aren’t at aparticular station in their lives to “find themselves” and do what they wish. However, it doesn’t mean you have to stay there,and it also doesn’t mean you can’t live your meaning in what you do; you mayjust have to get creative.
So how do you do it? How do you find that special thing you aremeant for? I’ve found that first youneed to truly be honest with yourself and identify what it is you value. Erase all the ideas of what others tellyou to value. For this moment ofhonesty, ignore the societal pressures and write a short list of things thatyou find most important in life. Thismay be family, helping others, improving yourself, etc. This is a personal list so don’t be ashamedif something you feel should be onthe list isn’t…it’s yours and only yours.
Next, you need to findout what you truly enjoy doing. Andremember, I didn’t say what you find easy or do well. I remember when I started my academic careerand chose Homeland Security as my major. I worked on producing electrical power as my military specialty andthought it fit with a future job with the DHS working with FEMA or criticalinfrastructure protection. As I wasworking on my courses, I found them fairly easy. I had a perfect GPA in mymajor coursework, but I saw it as a chore that I had to endure. After a while, I decided to shift my degreeplan to Social Sciences to learn more about sociology, psychology, and behavioralhealth. I found that these courses cameeasy to me as well, but it no longer felt like work. I actually enjoyed learning and moreimportantly, applying what I learned. Instead of memorizing to pass, I began to learn to apply. This is when I learned that just becausesomething comes easy to you, it doesn’t mean it’s what you were meant to do…youshould enjoy it too!
Finally, you need toexplore your meaning and purpose. Now Iget it, it just got kind of deep in here, but I posit that what one trulyvalues and enjoys intersects at this place called meaning and purpose. The great Viktor Frankl once stated, “Wedetect rather than invent our mission in life.” When you find your meaning andpurpose, and this happens at different points for everyone…and possiblyunfortunately never for some, your goals make sense and achieving them bringsmore value to your life. Now, we need tobe careful what we attach our meaning and purpose to. It shouldn’t be something so tangible thatit can be taken away from us. Itshouldn’t be material items or even another person. By the way, putting all your meaning andpurpose into another person, regardless of how much you love them, is a good wayto put excessive undue pressure on someone. Being someone’s meaning and purpose is not a responsibility anyoneshould have to bear. Some people’smeaning may be in improving themselves, others may find meaning and purpose inhelping others improve. Some may findmeaning in experiencing everything life has to offer, while others want to givesomething of themselves to the world. Whatever it is, when you find it, you can live that meaning no matteryou are doing. The great thing is you willfind it impossible not to!
So, I challenge you to look in the mirror and have that hard conversation. Some of you are absolutely living to your meaning and purpose and know exactly what I mean. Others are still working it out. Both are fine. However, we all have something truly special in us and we absolutely owe it to ourselves to find it and live it. Therefore, I ask you, what makes you so damn special?
Editor’s Note: Joe Bogdan is the co-founder of Llama Leadership, is an adjunct professor of leadership studies and is a senior enlisted leader in the United States Air Force. He has led various organizations with diverse missions across multiple countries and currently oversees over 400 people composed of U.S. Military and German civilian personnel in Spangdahlem Air Base, Germany.