Past Your Peak: A Male Perspective
When did it happen for you? When did it hit you that you are no longerthe man you used to be, that you have past your “golden” years? For the majority of us, it hit us when we weredoing something that required minimal athletic effort, usually something wehave done hundreds of times before and were just used to it going the way wepictured it in our minds.
Forme, that realization happened on the football field. Growing up as a pretty athletic kid, I wasrelatively good at both basketball and football. In basketball, I had to delegate more effortinto staying on top of my game because of the small intricacies that wererequired. Football on the other hand, Irelied solely on my athleticism. As asix foot one, 190-something pound receiver, it came easy. I had the speed, quick feet, hand-eyecoordination and agility to make some pretty spectacular plays, if I do say somyself! However, around the age of 27, my years of solely relying on myathletic ability had caught up with me. The years of not stretching, warming up or cooling down had taken a tollon my body. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I was so used to being able to outrun, out jumpand overall out play my defenders, I took it as the norm. Well, the last season of flag football Iplayed showed me that father time, (as patient as he is), catches up toeveryone. I was no longer able to freemyself from defenders. People that I justknew had no chance of defending me, were doing just that! At the ripe old age of 27, I had to facethe fact that my peak athletic performance days were behind me.
Thatexperience was a gift, a blessing in disguise that many don’t have the fortuneto experience at an early age. Itshowed me that, as a member of a team with a shared end-goal, I would notalways be the “man”. It showed methat there would be up and comers that could show me a thing or two, and for meto be a productive member on the team, I would have to learn how to adapt. It also showed me that I would have toempower my team members that are more talented than I am in order for the teamto succeed. That experience allowedme to see that I am never beyond learning. This invaluable lesson humbled me, and I wasfortunate enough to learn it early on in my career.
Themale ego is a fickle thing, and many times it gets in the way of true growth. The internal battle to maintain the positionof “king of the court”, “king of the field” or “king of the team” is a hardfought one, especially when that mindset is often the tool we used to achievethe peak we currently occupy. Not manymen are willing to relinquish that position. As the old adage goes, the first thing we do when we achieve power andinfluence is try to find ways to maintain that power and influence. When it comes to leadership, it is a tallorder to ask someone who is at the top of the hierarchy to admit that they areantiquated and dated, or that their methods don’t fit the new vision of theteam. It takes deliberateself-development to allow yourself to grow into the mindset that you have toallow your teammates the room to innovate without trying to contribute toomuch.
Growth comes in manyforms to a leader past his peak. As Imentioned in the beginning, I was fortunate enough to learn my lesson early,but what about those that don’t have sports or any competitive arena in whichto learn humility? How do we teachthem growth or how to lead the new generation who’s blazing a new trail?How many times have we overheard stubborn old men who are gatekeepers maintainingdated perspectives? How many times havewe seen leaders past their peak refuse to make way for new leaders because theyfear relinquishing their king of the mountain positions? The unfortunate truth is that no amount ofexternal pressure can force people to change, they have to want it. Change and growth are intrinsic animals. Addthe fragile male ego into that equation and it would sometimes be easier toforce a horse to drink water.
My old unit, the 823rdREDHORSE squadron’s motto was “lead, follow or get the hell out the way”. What a slogan! What if we could remind leaders that as theyprogress up the ranks and into these “gatekeeper” positions, that their jobsare to lead AND follow or get the hell out of the way? What if we could tell them that what got themto their current positions, won’t necessarily get the team to its goal. Leadershipand coaching, while very similar, have some distinctive differences. For example, leaders are often expecting tobe on the field, whether that’s the battlefield or the football field, whilecoaches aren’t expected to be in the thick of it but are expected to still leadfrom the sidelines. As contrary as thismay seem to many of the military philosophies, it is ok to lead from theside. Better yet, it is ok to coach. There will inevitably be a time that weare no longer able to be in the “fight” like we used to be. There will come atime that our ideas are no longer the fresh new ideas that spur the teamforward. When that time comes, it is okto empower others to step into our old roles. You lose nothing by empowering someone else. Your flame will never dim because youignited someone else’s.
Editor’s Note: J. Ridore is an active duty member of theUnited States Air Force. He is currentlyresponsible for the leadership and development of over 300 people as theytransition from workers to front line supervisors.