Words Matter
Wordsare just words...right? Well, not quite.Words are a vital - they create conversation, spoken or written! They are asimportant a part of leadership and followership as are traits andcharacteristics.
Wordscan bring about emotion and emotion can prove helpful or harmful. It’s important to note that not all emotion isnegative emotion. Using words to bring about positive emotion is one of theincredible values of communication - it can build relationships, create trust,open doors for opportunity, and solidify [or reinforce] positive performance.It’s equally as important to note that not all negative emotion that is broughton by words is harmful. When constructive feedback is given, it is sometimeshard to hear because it isn’t always good news. This doesn’t mean it shouldn’t besaid. It also doesn’t mean it’s negative. Tough feedback is the stuffimprovements are made of; it helps us ‘up our game’ and be better in thefuture.
Whilewe’re on the topic of conversation, what is gossip? Gossip is simply the act offree conversation - no topic in particular. Some believe gossip helped ourancestors and forefathers survive, both as a means of connecting through socialinteraction, as well as through the conveyance of valuable information.Everyone partakes in some level of gossip - it helps us build networks andsustain societies. Where gossip gets its negative connotation is when peopleparticipate in this free conversation by bringing in a negative context aboutother people.
Withouta doubt, sometimes it is necessary to convey someone’s shortfalls or misstepsto another person: if someone has a criminal or negative history and isapplying for a position where this would be relevant; if someone has perjured himselfby falsely representing, and the receiving party would be negatively impacted;if someone has failed to disclose pertinent information about their performanceand is working to gain position or favor to which this information would berelevant. Conversation should be had at the appropriate level.
Whatif someone has had a misstep or shortfall but [perhaps] didn’t know it? Wouldn’t a conversation about what they did and howthey could improve be valuable, especially if it were had with the person towhom it concerns? We sometimes fail to imagine that someone might simply havebeen mistaken or mislead. Before we talk about them, we shouldask ourselves if there is value in first talking to them? Ofcourse, there is! It’s important we ask ourselves this question because what ifwe could give them the opportunity to correct their action or behavior? Wouldn’twe be mentoring and developing them?Yes. Wouldn’t we appreciate thesame consideration? Yes. Not all faults are crimes...some are born fromignorance - we can’t know what we don’t know. If feedback was given to themember, were they given the opportunity to course correct? Did they seize theopportunity? When sharing information with potential employers, newsupervisors, or higher levels of leadership, wouldn’t it be valuable to knowthat someone who had a rough start or tough patch not only rose to thechallenge, but conquered it? This demonstration of moxie and perseverance canand should be valued - it not only shows those who are up-and-coming thatimprovement is possible [if the work is put in], but that this demonstration ofacquired learning is rewarded. This positive reinforcement encouragesresilience [on the part of the workforce] and showcases empathy [on the part ofleadership and hiring authorities]. We can’t fix what we don’t know isbroken; this is true at all levels.
WhereI feel the biggest breakdown in professionalism occurs, is when information isdisclosed in confidence to a person or persons [because the illusion of trustwas provided by the receiver(s)]. Then, that person shares the informationwithout consent or does so with the intent to mar the first person’sreputation. There is nothing to be gained by compromising relationships andtrust. Steven Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, expressedit well by writing, “Being loyal to those who are absent and assuming goodfaith of others are keys to building trust in a culture...and that's when youshow your true character.” He went on to say that when you speak ill of people,you ultimately express, “....that you're not centered on principles; you'reseeking gain, pleasure, or popularity at someone else's expense.” He pointsout, “If people know that if you treat one person with respect, then under adifferent circumstance you would likely treat them the same way....”
Professionalrelationships are often mentorship relationships. Mentorship relationships sometimes becomefriendships. In all levels of relationship, conversations happen becauseeveryone needs someone to talk to. If someone chooses you as theirconfidant, don’t violate that trust. As leaders, how can we expect ourpeople to talk to us if we can’t maintain their confidence? As subordinates,how can we expect to grow into trustworthy leaders if we don’t practice theskills of leadership? We know when things should be shared because people’slives or missions are at risk, but we also know when we are simply “talking outof class”. When relationships are built, trust will come with them. Whenpeople trust each other, they will communicate in confidence. With so manyother amazingly productive things to talk about, it should be a ‘no-brainer’that communication shared in confidence should never be frivolouslydisclosed.
Noone likes when negative action is taken out of professional jealousy nor whenconsequences result from unprofessional gossip. No one appreciates theconsternation these acts bring to their own lives, so what benefit would itprovide to coworkers, subordinates, peers, leaders, or teams, except the same?When in leadership positions, trust is vital! Peer and subordinate leaders needto know you have their best interest in mind. If subordinates see there’s afissure in relationships, it’s possible they also see a place that can beexploited. We leaders must step up to the task of stepping away from harmfulgossip, professional sabotage, and peer undercutting, for if we won’t, wecannot expect change from the masses.
Wordsmatter. Confidence matters. Trust matters.So, let’s keep talking positively about talk and stop talking negatively aboutothers.
Editor’s Note: HopeL. Skibitsky is the Command Chief, 27th Special Operations Wing, Cannon AirForce Base, New Mexico. In this role she advises the commander on theemployment, readiness, and resiliency of 700 Special Operations Aviationpersonnel from all branches of the Armed Forces