LET’S ALL PAUSE FOR A MOMENT…

Me: “What were you thinking?!” Student: “I don’t know…” This appeared to be a perpetual conversation between me and my high school students throughout my three-year tenure as an Air Force Junior ROTC instructor. Had I paused for a moment and analyzed the contextual circumstances that influenced these interactions, I would have used a more suitable phrase.

As I stand on the balcony and reflect back on my career, “the pause” continues to be the most valuable lesson and something I have to continue to improve on. Here’s my truth...promotion to Chief Master Sergeant served as my motivation for many years. It was a means for a better life for me and my family. Please do not misinterpret what I’m about to write because earning a promotion to the top 1% of the Air Force Enlisted Corps was and is a huge accomplishment and I’m extremely proud all who’ve worked hard to earn it. The painful lesson I learned in my pursuit of that promotion was that…Chief Master Sergeant is a title…it is a job description…it does not define who I am. What defines who I am is what and how I used that promotion to serve and help others. 

I believe that each person is born with a set of innate traits, characteristics, and talents that predispose them to become leaders but behavior is a learned trait. I also believe that leadership traits can emerge from individuals over time and with the right training and education. Exposure to leadership experiences, however, and what one does with it, will set the tone for one’s success or failure as a leader.

Here’s another truth….human nature is just that. What’s true with me is what’s true in every human: we all have limitations, personal missions, values, character, motivations and moral reasoning. Our actions and reactions are based on these elements within ourselves, and, we are not immune to making mistakes. Pause for a moment and think about the last interaction you had with anyone. How did it go? Do you wish you could’ve reacted a different way? Would a “pause” help change the outcome of that interaction?

I know now that I have to own my mistakes before I can learn from them. I know now that I need to be considerate of the same characteristics that motivate the actions of those around me. Although I can be mindful of my own actions, I need to be even more mindful of my reactions because these reactions will make a bigger impact on those around me.

Had I been mindful of my reactions, I would have realized that the phrase ‘What were you thinking?!” is emotionally driven and implies that the person receiving the message made a stupid or irresponsible decision. The lesson was lost when I asked this question. Instead of badgering and belittling my receiver, I should’ve paused, uncovered the circumstances, paused some more, considered the facts surrounding the event, and paused some more. The added pause would have allowed my receiver time to reflect on the action, confidently accept responsibility, and gain a lesson or two or three on their own. 

Life is short, but that doesn’t mean we all have to rush.  Let’s all just pause for a moment.

Editor’s Note: Chief Master Sergeant (Retired) Maria Lacuesta-Siroin is the Quality Assurance Manager in the Comptroller Squadron at Travis Air Force Base, California and has extensive experience in a diverse range of leadership and educational roles.