Can we be friends...?
How many times have you heard someone in a leadershipposition say “I don’t care if people like me. I’m not here to make friends”? I could almost guess that this person mighthave problems motiving their team to mediocrity, much less to excellence. Now, before the hard-core reader goescompletely off the rails, let me clarify. In leadership, there WILL always be times when you HAVE to makedecisions your subordinates will not like. You must make those decisions anyway.
But, let’s take a moment to think about what it means to “befriends”. The dictionary defines afriend as “a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personalregard; a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter; a person who is ongood terms with another”. So, what iswrong with having such a relationship with your subordinates? Now think for amoment about the personal qualities you look for in a friend. Characteristics such as dependability,trustworthiness, reliability, supportiveness, come to mind. They might sharesimilar interests in goals and pursuits. Someone that looks out for you andalways has your back is probably important, also.
“It’s simply means allowing yourself to be human enough to understandyour subordinates on their level”
So again, I ask, what’s wrong with having that relationshipbetween leaders and followers? Now, letme clarify for the hard-core readers. Being friends does NOT mean going out and getting blitzed together, weekendfishing trips, or being BFFs with the employee’s spouse. It’s simply means allowing yourself to behuman enough to understand your subordinates on their level. It means beingapproachable enough that they can relate to you. It means fostering a relationshipwhere they feel comfortable communicating with you without feeling constantlyscrutinized and judged. And of course,being understanding when you still kick them in the shorts when necessary. Andmore than likely, thank you for it.
“As a result, they will find newer, faster, better ways of doing thingsthat will pay exponential dividends to your organization.”
For those who were taught professionalism requires you tobuild a wall between the leader and those they lead, this idea might take somewarming up to. But consider some of thebenefits that can result from thawing out the relationship. First, your team will feel comfortable comingto you to gain a deeper understanding of the project or mission. As a result, they will find newer, faster,better ways of doing things that will pay exponential dividends to yourorganization. Furthermore, a friendlyrelationship with your team will make them want to go over and above theirbasic requirements and will make them conduct themselves both personally andprofessionally, in a manner so to not disappoint you.
As they grow into leadership positions and roles of theirown, they will remember you as a model they want to emulate and very likelythey will reach back for advice and perspective as they navigate newchallenges. Otherwise, when they aresitting in a leadership course or professional development setting and areasked to recall a leader they would NEVER want to be, your name might just beon that list.
Finally, remember at the beginning when we talked aboutmaking decisions your subordinates may not like? There is an interesting side-effect of havinga friendly relationship with your team. When they genuinely like and trust you, you can make those unpopulardecisions without having a mutiny on your hands. If they trust you, they will trust yourdecision had good reason and they will go with you…and influence others to dothe same. So, what do you say? Can we be friends?
Editor’s Notes: Monica Botch recently closed out a 28-year Air Force career, retiring with the rank of Chief Master Sergeant. She has held several key senior leadership positions in health care, health promotions, human resources, and medical and mission operations where she has positively influenced the lives of 1000’s of military and civilian employees. She currently resides in Florida, where she’s enjoying retirement life at the beach.
https://www.linkedin.com/in/monica-botch-07b34370/